When Doubt Creeps In
“It’s not worth it, you won’t get the things you want most anyway.”
“I can’t do it.”
“I will fail.”
“I am not worthy.”
“It’s a recipe for rejection.”
“I can’t add any value.”
“I will never get there.” (the mysterious ‘there’ place)
Do you ever have voices like this in your head? This is the voice of doubt.
I don’t think I have ever met anyone who has not experienced doubt. It is universal. And one that I have found to be uncomfortable to move through. But incredibly rewarding to understand.
Doubt is a mental state where we remain stuck between at least two ideas or thoughts. Doubt is your emotional relationship with that stuckness. On an emotional level doubt is the indecision between belief and disbelief. The experience of getting more comfortable with the emotional component shifts our relationship with doubt. To be comfortable with being uncomfortable and to welcome it in rather than usher it away changes our relationship to and experience with doubt.
My experience with doubt is that it is like a slippery snake, slithering its way into the cracks and then hissing at me right when I start to find my stride. That hissing lingers in my body, the feeling much like when someone scares me, and I cannot quite shake the feeling of fear entering my body. It makes my steps a little more uneasy than before. As the rhythm from within breaks down, it becomes harder and harder to see the possibilities that I once was able to envision.
In practical terms, we can get so bound by the voice of doubt, that it holds us, rather than us holding it.
The hissing snake continues to work its way through you. Thoughts consume you and fill you with opinions so
· you do not trust your decisions,
· you need other people’s approval,
· you lack conviction in your talent and abilities,
· you stay stuck in your limiting beliefs, and
· you have reasons to not believe in yourself.
Now walking through the doors is just too damn scary.
Why risk it?
As my own personal and coaching journey has shown me, doubt is just one of the many voices within my head. What is important is to learn how to walk myself through the experience. I have and continue to practice walking myself through, but it is hard. It is hard to grow comfortable being uncomfortable. For me, it has taken practice. Practice is the ability to try approaching my doubt in a way that I have not before and is a way to refine the things that have helped me.
I learned that it is not about getting rid of doubt but about learning how to integrate it into my life and to learn new ways to engage with it. It is about taking small steps to move through the experience. Small steps change the limiting beliefs and old ways of doing things. As I have grown aware of what these voices are trying to share with me, I have begun to integrate them into whatever I am working on and taken steps to change my relationship with them. Now, doubt is no longer closing those doors one by one making it hard to see why I’d even considered walking through. I am reminded every day that I have more learning to do about staying in my process. Process is the act of walking through an experience without letting the past dictate the present or the anxiety about the future get in the way of the present. I encourage myself to take the steps I need to stay present.
This process approach helps the possibilities come back, opening doors of endless exploration.
Consider your relationship with doubt and how you can turn your thoughts into curiosity. When flooded with doubt, ask yourself what you want in the situation presented to you and what you are trying to learn.
What do you want your relationship with doubt to be?
