The Choice Within Pain
I wonder sometimes…How can I learn to process pain and the resulting feelings associated with pain?
As a sensitive and intuitive person, I take pain on emotionally and physically. I notice it shows up emotionally when I see myself slowing down, when I feel drained and I don’t have the same focused attention. Physically, I notice my fidgety behaviour and, in my inability to sit for long periods of time. It goes like this: I have a shorter attention span and a resulting lack of productivity because I am at the core, distracted. The distraction comes as a result of the pain experienced from the underlying emotions that need movement.
I sat in a group meditation class this past week and the facilitator said “we don’t get over things, we get through them.”
What she said struck me.
It feels human to want to just get over it, to have it behind us and to move on. The ‘it’ being the emotions associated with painful experiences. The emotions are often difficult. It is easy to label emotions: bad and painful. We worry they might take over. Yet, our emotions don’t own us. We are not our emotions. It can feel all-consuming when our relationship to pain is to want to get over things rather than get through them.
Getting over painful emotions would be so much easier right?
It may seem easier in the moment, but eventually it will be useful to learn to get through the possible pain and difficulty challenging emotions bring. When we get over things, we ask ourselves to feel okay about a situation. Although it may feel like relief in the moment, the feelings still linger within. When we get through things, we learn to sit in them and get comfortable being uncomfortable.
I would rather not get through the discomfort I am experiencing some days. It would be easier to just get over the sadness, fear and/or anxiety about a situation and avoid pain. But by trying to move through my discomfort, I take back my own power to learn something new about myself and how I am feeling. Ultimately, leaning into my emotions helps me move through the painful moments and learn more about my relationship with pain.
I see this showing up all around me: in my work, with my friends, and with family. We grow our business, we make career shifts, and we are involved in intimate relationships. With each of these experiences, we might feel pain. Growing through and with emotions is painful but that is how we make meaningful shifts in our lives. It is how we take our business to new levels, how we have a new work role we love and how we get closer to our friends and family. It is uncomfortable to deal with all the emotions arising in these processes and so we want to be done with the pain.
Pain is inevitable. Emotions are part of being human. Sitting in the (sometimes) painful emotions as we move through challenging and ambiguous experiences brings us closer to ourselves and those around us. These are big, hard and scary things to look at. The first step is recognizing this. Then we can find our bravery to look at the emotions, say hello and get comfortable with the discomfort. This ultimately helps us thoughtfully move through painful experience and decide what the best course of action is.
Today for me and for many of us, we are making choices about how we want to grow a business, find our dream job, nurture a relationship, and so much more. No matter what the decision is, there is an opportunity to move through the possibility of pain and the resulting emotions to make way for new relationships with ourselves.
A coach/mentor/friend of mine shared with me many times in the past that “pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice”. These words are sitting deeply with me this week. As I consider how I want to move through the emotions impacting me recently, I am making choices about what I want and how I want to move through pain. In these moments of discomfort, I can choose to suffer through them, or I can accept that the pain is a reality. Eventually, I know that once I can accept the pain and move with it, there are so many things I can learn about myself too. Acceptance allows me to just be in the discomfort. Because it is not all-consuming, even if it feels like it today.
What’s your relationship with pain?
