What is a home?
A Reflection on Change and Transitions
“There is no sin punished more implacably by nature than the sin of resistance to change.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh
I thought I was an expert in transitions or at least experienced enough that the latest one with our move would be easy…or at least easier. Shouldn’t experience make something easier? Not necessarily as I have learned in the latest transition.
Transitions are hard.
Change is hard.
Even when it’s really really really good.
Using my experience from previous transitions is certainly valuable. I have taken lessons and applied them to the current situation! That has not made it easy though because each transition is unique and has its own lessons to offer.
One of the lessons this time was about the concept of home. Another about just being. I will write more about being in another post. So what about the concept of home?
In the transition of moving to a new city, I contemplated the concept of home, a lot. What is home?
Is it a feeling?
Is it a thought?
Is it an experience?
Is it a physical location?
Is it the people?
And why does home have so much weight in my ability to process this transition?
This transition came at a time when I had done many of them over the past 5 years. I’ve considered which parts make home a home and I realized they are all important. The physical location of my home was a grounding element in my life. The people were part of what made the experience of living in a certain home. The thoughts and the feelings I held about the home determined how I manifested the concept of home. Regardless of many physical homes over the past 5 years, they were all home. Sometimes all these factors were at play, sometimes only a few and sometimes none at all. Paying attention to what grounded me into my home and what perceptions I had about home was critical.
So then why has the latest transition made me feel a lack of a home?
All of these factors impacted how connected I felt to my home and therefore how easy or hard it was to engage in a transition and a change process. In our recent move I was not able to connect to these factors because I was stuck in a false perception. Once I let go of ideas, both rooted and not rooted in reality, I could see the home right in front of me.
In clear terms, letting go, truly letting go, of anything that is not real allows us to embrace what is right in front of us.
What came was a welcoming in of the feelings, the thoughts, the experience, the physical location and the people. They were all here all along, but I was not here to receive them.
By letting go, I was also able to pay attention to what makes a transition. What are those elements that make it both hard and really wonderful on the other end?
I observe that a transition is not linear. It is in fact very very spirally, encompassing of many twists and turns, back and forths and ups and downs.
I observe that a transition is not formulaic. It is in fact very unique, providing one with opportunities to get in touch with new parts of ourselves.
I observe that a transition is not something that we can manage with only our cognitive functions. It is in fact very emotional, giving us valuable information about our needs and wants.
I realize now that home is a feeling, a thought, an experience, a physical location and the people. My home is all of this some days, my home is some of this some days and none of it some days. In the transition this has given me a feeling of freedom that I can navigate this transition. Yes, based on some experience of going through them before, but specifically in understanding this one, I know what I need. I am home because I create what I need. My home is what I create. This has given me the opportunity to let go and lean in a little closer to myself.
I am curious to know what factors here or otherwise are part of your transitions?
If you are navigating a transition in your life, here are some tips!
Listen to what your feelings have to say and lean in a little closer than might be comfortable
Acknowledge your thoughts
Don’t resist the change
Accept the unknown
Get comfortable in the ambiguity
Look at what lessons are part of the current change and transition and apply them
Figure out and get clear on what you need
Learn to let go, to truly let go
